ealintara (ealintara) wrote,

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Oh my... that explains A LOT

I didn't think I'd get so immersed so quickly this would happen.
I've been reading again... and came across 'sub drop'. I'm an overreactor, I know this, still, today has been one of the HARDEST days I've ever had to deal with. Why? Because it sounds like I've just experienced my first sub drop.

"The next day was like being thrown from an aero plane without a parachute. I would be depressed, lethargic, tearful and very much out of control. The first few times it happened I didn't' know what it was or how to deal with it, but as time went on it became easy to recognize and I just waited it out." - Yeah, easier said than done.

"What is it I hear you ask? Well imagine a hard night out at the night clubs, lots of alcohol and fun. What happens the next day? You get an almighty hangover. Sub drop can be similar. You body has been going through all sorts of highs, endorphin and adrenalin, and while they are wonderful highs, the body has to come back down off them again. So you start to feel blah. Add to that your mind has been coping with all sorts of exciting euphoric sensations and suddenly it's all gone.

This is where depression can set in. Was I good enough? Did I do the right thing by playing with that person? Is this right? Is it safe? Why am I doing this at all? All sorts of things will run through your mind and that only adds to the confusion. The good thing is that all this is usually only going to last a day or so then your body will adjust back again and you will return to your normal state."
- A Day or SO??? *cries*

And the advise just doesn't help in the slightest.

1. Recognize what it is. This is important, if you don't accept it for what it is, then you can talk yourself into a much worse state.
2. Keep in contact with your play partner, tell them how you are feeling and seek reassurance from them that all is well. We all need to hear that we did good and that our partners enjoyed the scene as much as we did.
3. Pamper yourself. Spend the day doing things you really enjoy. Long hot bubble bathes, manicures/pedicure, get your hair done. Anything that is going to help you feel better about yourself.
4. Eat well and drink plenty of fluids. Your body is still in recovery process, so feed it well.
5. Talk to someone who understands what you are going through. Find someone who can listen without judging and let it all out. If you need to cry do so, it's therapeutic."

Let's see...
1. Check
2. Yes and NO- I HAVE felt better talking to him, well, after the intial jolt of pain for about the first hour or so because I can't talk to him about it. In short, this one is only marginally helping.
3. Check
4. Unfortunately, due to blood sugar- Check.
5. Amanda hasn't returned my texts all day. She's the ONLY one I could possibly talk to. But I have done the crying. LOTS of the crying. It's not helping much as the emotional rise with it keeps zapping my blood sugar.

I have never felt this horrible before. Knowing what it is all well and good, but it's physically taking a toll on me and it's downright frightening. If I've done three out of the five things to help alleviate it, and I still feel like I'm going to fall apart the moment the subject comes up or, God help me when he does, He gets off aim. Just the thought of that has my heart racing in panic and me imagining another night of tear soaked pillows.

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